Before you buy your “Ticket to Paradise,” did you know that Bali, the “ideal” vacation spot that was the location for George Clooney and Julia Roberts’s movie “Ticket to Paradise,” is the home of 500 different varieties of spiders, some of which have eight eyes and 15-centimeter legs? You didn’t?

Did you know that today, a swarm of new spiders is invading this “tropical paradise?” Uh, huh.

Go look it up before you watch this movie that paints Bali in Disney colors with travelogue B movie dialogue between two good actors — stars who have made their names in great films. Why did these two bankable stars make it? Did they lose a bet? Need money? Clooney and Roberts? Oh, well.

In director and co-writer Ol Parker’s (“Mama Mia! Here We Go Again”) movie, David (George Clooney) and Georgia (Julia Roberts “Pretty Woman”) are a divorced couple who haven’t spoken in 15 years. The split duo reluctantly merges temporarily to travel to Bali to keep their daughter Lily (Kaitlyn Dever “Booksmart”) from tossing away an expensive law degree to marry a farmer — a handsome, boring, rich seaweed farmer named Gede (Maxime Bouttier “Kuntilanak 2”) — who she met only four weeks ago while on vacation, where she will reportedly spend the rest of her life.

It sounds happy to Lily because Gede and his family just made a big deal with the seaweed department at Whole Foods. That’s good news for America’s seaweed cereal kids.

These two famous parents’ intention is to stop Lily from making the same mistake they did years ago, which is according to David, “All marriages fall apart eventually.”

Georgia bitterly agrees. Both spend the first 45 minutes of the film snipping at each other, trading forced smiles and delivering semi-funny Larry David old barbs as if they were still married.

Eventually, we meet Gede and his family, a group of happy Balinese who smile all the time, like the happy slaves in Disney’s 1946 “Song of the South,” and exchange Balinese homilies in every conversation. Methinks that someone is growing something here other than seaweed.

This is Julia of “Pretty Woman” and the Clooney of “Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?” and “Michael Clayton.” When they say it’s not about the money … it’s about the money.

“Ticket To Paradise” streams on Prime Video and Apple TV+.

J.P. Devine of Waterville is a former stage and screen actor.

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