“I had a hat when I came in, I hung it on the rack
I’ll have a hat when I go out
Or I’ll break somebody’s back”
— Song by James Mooney, 1941

It’s the Fourth of July, and the clouds are sticking around like a wedding’s best man hoping to score with one of the bridesmaids.

This part is for men only — for women, hats are more important than underwear.

While we’re waiting, have you guys got your outfits for the Fourth all set? No? Of course not. There’s no such thing as a gentleman’s “outfit” anymore, especially in central Maine.

Portland’s different. They know how to dress in Portland.

First of all, there is no such thing as a “holiday wardrobe” anymore. In my childhood there was at least some piece of clothing, anything, that went along with the holiday. For my mother it was polka dots, even to her aprons.

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Easter was a big deal in my New York. Traffic was held up from one end of Fifth Avenue to the other for that famous walk, and hats were part of the glamour, especially for women. She and I walked it. That parade was our first date.

J.P. Devine models his seersucker slacks and Nixon boater hat. Photo courtesy of J.P. Devine

In the long ago — remembered only because of Fred Astaire and Judy Garland in MGM’s “Easter Parade” — men wore top hats. Yes, top hats, mostly black but with the occasional gray. Fred wore them to bed.

You only see top hats in historic movies now, or on pictures of the most famous top hatter, Abe Lincoln, or occasionally at presidential inaugurations.

Jack Kennedy wore a top hat to his inauguration and to the balls in the evening, removing it only to be sworn in. He resisted, but gave in because his old man, Joe Kennedy, insisted.

It’s an Irish thing. When your old man gets you in the White House, you do what he says.

But for holiday hats, the big, noisy, fire-cracking Fourth that I remember as a boy, everyone wore a “boater” — even the guy who delivered the beer to saloons. No kidding.

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Once upon a time, my long-retired Navy office papa and his brother Pat, both wore the standard hat of summer: the famous “boater,” the semi-formal summer hat that went along with white shirts, ties for church and seersucker suits.

Today, the hat of choice is the iconic baseball cap, so everyone (like doctors, lawyers, teachers and plumbers) walk through their day looking like Justin Garza or Chris Martin.

Seersucker suits, there’s an item that you only see today on senators and congressmen in Washington.

Senators, especially from the South, wear seersucker. That would include guys like Lindsey Graham from South Carolina and Mitch McConnell from Kentucky who wear them because their daddies did.

Seersucker has now been reduced to just the slacks. I own five pairs, thank you.

But the boater has vanished from the streets of America, except as a political advertisement.

I can’t find my JFK boater, but you can see I have retained my Nixon boater. In case any Republican collector is interested, it’s for sale. Just add a red ribbon.

J.P. Devine is a Waterville writer. 

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